Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Holiday Hiatus

Kinky Kraken and Samus Andress have been too busy exchanging sexy presents, and will be back next week!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Pocket Rocket

Sex Toy Review:

From Cal Exotics

Kinky Kraken gives this toy: 3/10 Caresses
Samus Andress gives this toy: 4/10 Caresses

Total Naked Geek score:   3.5/10 Caresses

Is that a Rocket in your Pocket or are you just Buzzing to see me?

Ah, my first real vibrator. What a powerful little beast! While I'll always treasure our time together, Little Blue Beauty wasn't perfect. 

She's pretty loud-- which can be distracting and embarrassing-- I swear my neighbor is going to be asking me what I'm doing over here...

Even though she has multiple "heads" that you can switch out, I really only used two of them until I picked my favorite of those. (The rounded one, cause I'm just not all that interested in jabbing my bits)
She doesn't have settings-- just On, Off and open up the battery compartment, and the way you need to switch her off (a small twist at the bottom) can also open up the battery compartment-- troublesome if your just using her to warm up.

The vibration on this thing when I first turned it on nearly scared me, and the first time that I tried it I thought she was little too intense, but as I got used to her (and wore down her battery) I began to love the buzz.

A good buy for the price, but not the best toy in this price range. I'll use her for a quickie, but I'd rather hunt through my Toy Box for something better.

Cute, cheap, waterproof, pretty colors, changeable heads fits in the palm of your hand, what's not to love?... Well apparently a lot. O.K. I'll admit it. I am picky when it comes to sexy toys but there is such a wide variety out there I don't think I should have to settle. This is not a high end toy and I don't expect it to be and it does have a pretty decent vibrations which is nice. I'm sure there are people that adore this little rocket but I just can't understand why. 

For a start this little thing is loud which kind of negates it's discreet size. All of the changeable heads are hard plastic and some of have little spikes on it. Spikes of hard plastic near my lady bits is not my idea of a good time. There is one with a rounded to but it's so rounded I find it difficult to have it stimulate very specific spots. The size and shape becomes a big disadvantage when you use it. Hard to hold on to it if you use lube or even just in the heat of the moment. In short it is fiddly and when I am having some alone time the last thing I want to do is mess about with something that is supposed to be just pure pleasure.

Comes in yellow, purple, pink and blue. Slim and cute!

This pocket rocket is small and discreet. It comes with 5 changeable heads that range from fun to a little scary (I tried using the needle-ly head and although I didn't have a specific complaint about it-- I just couldn't get over the jabb-y). 


  • Length:
    2 1/2"
    0.8 oz


Pretty strong!  


Powered by 4 watch batteries


Loud! Loud! Loud! I'm afraid my neighbor is going to hear me!


Feels pretty durable, it's not going to break if you use it, and it's waterproof (however, I'd be afraid to turn it off in the tub because the batteries pop out so easily).


Hard plastic, Food-grade material, Hypo-allergenic, Phthalate free




Soap and water do it best! Very easy clean up.

Great selection of vibrators

Please feel free to leave comments, suggestions or questions below!

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Or email us at if your comment is too sexy for the internet ;)

Don't be shy!


 -- Kinky Kraken & Samus Andress


Friday, December 21, 2012

It's the End of the World-- Why aren't you doing it?

It's the End of the World-- 

Why aren't you doing it?

Global Orgasm Day

The organizers of the Global Orgasm, evolutionary behaviorists Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell, would like everyone to synchronize their greatest surge of physical and spiritual power on the Solstice, December 21st between the hours of 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. Greenwich Mean Time.

The theory is that if enough people can climax at the same time while projecting a conscious intention for peace and harmony on the planet, a surge of physical and spiritual positivity will infuse the Earth's energy field.

But we can all just have an orgasm too-- it's a win-win.
Any measurable effects will show up at The Global Consciousness Project ( in Princeton, NJ, which runs a network of Random Event Generators around the world, which record changes in their randomness during global events. The results show that the physical effects of human consciousness can be measured.

For more information: and

Plus it's the end of the world so--

Make it Count!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

How To Make the End of the World Sexy

As you know the Mayan Calander is about to run out, meaning the end of the world is upon us. So, unless you’re partying till the brink of the apocalypse, spend your last hours doing some sexy things with your lover-- or a stranger (we won’t tell, but maybe use a condom, you know just in case it’s not really the end of the world...)

3 Sex Positions You Should Try Before the End of the World.

Reverse Cowgirl

If the zombies do rise up from their graves to eat your brains, and you still find yourself wanting to do the Grown-Up, try the reverse cowgirl position. That way, if the zombie’s find you, you’ll at least see them coming. 

This is a fun position and I agree with Samus it's a good position to stay on your guard in case of zombies. Another reason to do it in this position is because it leaves your hands relatively free to hold weapons to fight off attackers. Not going to help much if the end of the world comes in the form of an asteroid but at least you'll go out with a bang (pun intended) ;)

Doggie style

Cause you know you want to...

Well yeah of course I do but I like most positions Samus. :) But also I think this is also a great zombie position although if that's the case make sure you have a wall behind you because otherwise you might have an accidental zombie threeway. I find this position always brings out my wild side so I think it would be great for anyone looking to just go wild.

Ultimate Embrace

Let’s face it, you’re gonna die. Hold each other and kiss your asses goodbye!

This is the most intimate of positions and the most comforting. Also if the rapture happens God might not realize that you are having sex and instead think you are just giving each other a good cuddle. Good luck trying to pull the wool over God's eyes but hey it's worth a shot.

3 Sexy Things You Should Have for the End of the World


Despite their obvious uses (Please try not to get preggers during the end of the world-- not a good survival plan...) Condoms could be a great way to carry water and food, protect electronics (assuming they’re still functioning) and making a slingshot.

Condoms are super useful you can use them as water ballons to distract the zombies! (are you sensing a theme here?) You can also make a decoy out of then to also distract the zombies.

You can wear them on your feet as water proof socks. If you have enough of them you can blow them up like balloons tie them together and make a raft. You can even make clothing out of them. 

Endless possibilities.

Edible Underwear
And for our vegetarian friends.
Mmmmm, meat!

It’s food, and it’s mostly compact. 

You can eat it you can wear it and your lover will think it's sexy. the only problem is that you will smell like something extra edible so it might not be good to wear if you are surrounded by zombies.

Hatiachi Magic Wand

Trying to survive the apocalypse is stressful-- enjoy a lovely massage (on or off your genitals.) Also can be used to bash enemies over the head! Have fun!

The best weapon is the most unlikely so this would be perfect. and this thing is very durable it even has a lot attachments to inflict more pain...or pleasure depending on how you use it.

3 Safe Places You Can Do It while the World is Ending


Since you’ll be looking for Costco anyway-- they’ve got everything you need!-- why not find a cozy place to bang? Maybe in a nice secluded section where all the tents are-- no need to give your fellow survivor’s a show.

This place has everything. It will help keep you alive with everything you need and lots of things you don't. It even has mattresses and they are always very sturdy buildings. So you will be relatively safe and with all the aisles there are a million places to do it in different positions that are great vantage points so you can be on the look out against zombies.

Bomb shelter

We know you’ve all been planning for the end of the world ever since you heard the REM song right? So obviously you’ve got a bomb shelter built-- Ready and waiting for some good old fashion baby makin’.

It might save you from the end of the world and most zombies won't be able to figure out how to get into it. It's the perfect place to have some alone time and you can be as loud as you want because bomb shelter walls are so thick that the zombies won't hear it.


If you’re thinking that you may be Raptured, then by all means head on over to your local church and start praying. And if you don’t get Raptured? Well, a little lovin’ in pew ain’t gonna hurt your reputation none.

O.K. so not the most respectful but this is a good place to go if all else fails the rapture happened, everyone turned into zombies...there is no hope left. Go to church make your peace and since you have nothing left to loose screw each other like bunnies. :)

Please feel free to leave comments, suggestions or questions below!

Follow us on Twitter @Naked_Geeks or Like us on Facebook

Or email us at if your comment is too sexy for the internet ;)

Don't be shy!


 -- Kinky Kraken & Samus Andress


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Sexy Stocking Stuff-ers

Sexy Stocking Stuff-er's from

Time is a wasting for your online holiday shopping! Lucky for you Eden Fantasys is offering free shipping on orders over $25 (including Standard, Expedited and 3 Day!)

So, why don't you add a little something naughty under your tree?

Kinky and I have found a few things that we have on our wish lists...

All I want for Christmas is:

Maybe it's my obsession with all things penguin, or maybe it's my nostalgia for bath toys, but I'd love to try out this cute little guy out during my alone time in the bath. 

While he doesn't look very powerful, I kind of like the idea that no one would suspect his naughty purpose...

This one is a guilty pleasure that I've wanted to try with my other half for a while. I've heard good and bad things about this little beauty, but I'd like to feel the love for myself

Guess what I want for Christmas?...... A glass candy cane dildo! :)

I know you totally guessed that, right. I have recently discovered the pleasure of glass sex toys. Something you will soon discover once more of our sex toy reviews are posted. It's something that can be very intimidating at first but it needn't be. Glass is easy to sterilize. You can make them warm or cold and they come in such fun shapes. I was so excited to see a candy cane one. 

It's fun, cute, festive, and most importantly a candy cane is the perfect shape. At least I think it would be. In fact I couldn't resist and just ordered one as a special naughty gift for myself. I can't wait to get it. I just think it would be such a cute stocking stuff for the special someone in your life and its so pretty who would suspect it's also a dildo?

I also want something that can be used solo as well as with a partner like it's intended that is the Bedroom Kandi Rise and Shine Rechargeable Cock Ring.

I have been oogling this cock ring ever since it came out. It has 7 functions. You can take the bullet vibrator off the ring and use it solo. Best of all it's usb rechargeable! What better gift for the man or woman in your life! Endless possibilities

If I got this in my stocking I would be thrilled *hint hint*.

Or you make your own Sexy Gift Kit by customizing your kink. ;)

Sex toys - EdenFantasys adult toys store

Please feel free to leave comments, suggestions or questions below!

Follow us on Twitter @Naked_Geeks or Like us on Facebook

Or email us at if your comment is too sexy for the internet ;)

Don't be shy!

 -- Kinky Kraken & Samus Andress


Saturday, December 15, 2012

Boobs! Tits! Melons! Jugs!

Boobs! Tits! Melons! Jugs!

Whatever you call them Learn to love them!

Breast come in all shapes and sizes depending on the amount of fatty tissue contained within. One’s breast size and shape are generally described based on the classifications of the Bra & lingerie industry.
Prior to World War I, women breasts were stuffed into corsets and other single-fabric contraptions. The precursor of the two cup bra was designed by a woman named Caresse Crosby. She sold the patent for her concept -two handkerchiefs sewn together with attached ribbon straps- in 1913, and the beginning of the 11.3 billion lingerie business was born. Caresse’s flimsy bras slowly evolved to more constrictive undergarments. Bra manufacturer’s (run by men) began to sew the bras to girdles, thus tightly binding the woman wearer. These slowly evolved into pointy bras in the 1950s. (Is it any wonder why the woman’s liberation movement began with folk burning their bras?)

Today’s bras are more functional and comfortable. They provide support while “helping” a woman’s figure to conform to current societal norms. Brassiere manufacturers have come up with nomenclature to allow standardization of their products. The chest size is actually determined by measuring the diameter of the rib cage below the breasts and adding 5. The cup Size is a measure of the volume of the breast, and is denoted by the first letters of the alphabet.

Breasts are usually asymmetrical, meaning that one woman’s breast may be a different size or shape than her other breast. Interestingly, a woman’s left breast is usually a little larger then her right breast, though this is only a generalization. (It is also quite common for men to have one testicle that is a different size or shape than the other.) 

Something women struggle with is breast size. We are expected to have enormous boobs, but still be a size 2. I have large breasts and to all the women who think they should have them I say think twice. Now don’t get me wrong I love my boobs, but they cause me problems. Sever back pain making it uncomfortable to run and bras are never comfortable. I am always putting them on and then taking them off trying to get some relief. Eventually I might even have to have a breast reduction. A childhood friend of mine had to get hers reduced because the weight of her breasts were actually causing fractures in her spine. 

In a survey conducted by British high street store Debenhams, it was revealed that 78% of women have been squeezing into bras that were smaller than the size they should be wearing. That's a pretty hefty percentage of uncomfortable ladies...
The survey also found that British busts have actually grown significantly in the past two years -- three whole sizes, to be exact. Back in 2010, Debenhams reported that their best-selling size was a 34B. But, by 2012, the 34DD bras were the ones flying off the shelves the fastest.
Another interesting find was that women aren't just physically increasing their bust size; they're shopping to create their aspirational figures. The retailer reported that 70 percent of their bra sales this year have been for padded and push-up bras compared to 36 percent in 2010. 
No matter what the size boobs are just fun to play with. You can’t help but smile when you say the word boobies. Instead of fussing over breast size you should find a bra that shape and size that not only fits you perfectly but helps to support and show off your girls.

In the T.V. special Undress the nation the importance of embracing your breasts and treating them right was finally addressed in length. I highly recommend watching it to learn some key do's and don'ts and also to gain some new found respect to your lovely luscious lumps

Another issue I want to address is areola and nipple size, which I feel is something we don't really discuss when it comes down to da boobies.

Nipples may be very small or very large, short or long, inverted, flat or prominent. Nipple size will expand throughout puberty and also when you become pregnant and/or lactating.

The diameter of your areola (the pigmented area surrounding your nipple) is determined largely by the genetic code that you received from your mother, as well as your father. You could have inherited the traits of your areolar size from your father's mother, or even further back into your genetic sources. These will usually enlarge if your breasts increase in size, and they will darken in pigmentation when you become pregnant or lactate. Your areolar shape generally is symmetrical to it's mate on the other side, but if they start out different, they will likely remain different.          

I think one of the biggest problems with breast size is the fact that they are everywhere we get so self conscious because what we are supposed to look like is plastered on every add and it’s in every porn. We forget that beauty comes in all shapes and also that the women in porn are mostly made out of plastic.

No offense to people who have fake breasts, if that’s what you need to have confidence in your body then more power to you, but my point is that just because some people have large breasts fake or otherwise does not mean that small boobs are not appealing. My ex-boyfriend for one was surprised he was attracted to me because I have large breasts and he preferred “cute little perky tits” but he grew to love my extremely bouncy ones as well.

Perhaps you'll be interested in knowing the average breast size in your country (Hello, Russia, Finland, Sweden and Norway!):

Please feel free to leave comments, suggestions or questions below!

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Or email us at if your comment is too sexy for the internet ;)

Don't be shy!


 -- Kinky Kraken & Samus Andress


Thursday, December 13, 2012

Penis Size

Does Size Matter?

Penis size has always been a controversial issue. Guys are always comparing dicks. Believe it or not it wasn't always to see who was bigger. 

In ancient Rome a large penis was considered vulgar so it was actually a small penis that was considered desirable. Penis size is a very sensitive issue for a guy. Many of guys are so needlessly self conscious about it.

The average length of a penis is about 6 inches (about the length of a US dollar bill) The average length of a woman’s vaginal canal is about 4 inches. Do the math!

Guy’s, why are you so obsessed with this magic number of inches? Who made you like this? It’s pretty rare to find a girl who’s so obsessed with the size of the manly bits.

Most women or men, depending what team you swing for, do not care about the size of their lover’s penis. For a start, it’s hard to tell what size it could be until you take your clothes off and if you get to that point with someone no one is going say, "Well, you really turned me on, but I prefer a bigger cock", then just walk out.

There is new research that suggests that women who experience more vaginal orgasm's (as opposed to clitoral etc.) are more likely than other women to say they climax more easily with men with larger penises. Women who tend to prefer penile-vaginal intercourse over other types of sex also say the same.

If you are going deep, don’t bruise the cervix! (This is possible and painful!) It's a condition called collision dyspareunia, in which the penis bangs into the cervix or uterus. This problem is normally associated with a tipped uterus, which is pretty much what it sounds like.

Injuries in women can be even more diverse, including lacerations in the vagina and perineum (the area around the vulva), infections, and so on. 

Also, don’t lie about your penis size to your partner or to yourself. For a start you might end up wearing a condom that doesn't fit. 

The BBC came out with an article about Indian men. The country of India is having an issue with men not wearing the right sized condoms. On average they are apparently a little smaller than what is considered average so the condoms they were using were not fitting. As a specialist in reproductive health pointed out there need to be more discussions made talking about the importance of wearing the right size and also pointed out that if there are any doubt about the sexual prowess of Indian men you only have to look at the size of the Indian population to see that they are performing just fine.

It's also important to note that there are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn't get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

Basically the difference is due do the vascular nature of the individual's penis. When a penis becomes erect, it's actually filling with blood. For some guys, it makes the penis longer, to accommodate the influx of blood-- that's a grower. Otherwise, the penis will become more dense with blood-- that's a show-er, because the penis doesn't change much from it's flaccid state.

Personally, I think girth and angle are equally important, and can make up for a small size. There are a bunch of different "spots," "areas," and nerves that can make up for any (forgive me) shortcomings. 

Evolutionary speaking, ball size is much more important. The current theory is that the size of the testes is directly proportional to the slut-iness of the female of the species.

Bare with me on this:

Your balls house the sperm. The bigger the balls, the more sperm there is. When the female is promiscuous, and there are multiple man’s sperm a-swimming, they stop going after the egg and start attacking the competing sperm.

The man with the most sperm wins!

So, if you’re a Bonobo (monkey’s that spend most of their time banging—like insane, all the time, whoever’s closest banging) you’ve got the biggest balls of all.

Human’s are about average when it comes down to ball size—not too big, not too small.  

You should accept your penis and take advantage of it’s size and shape. It’s not the size of the ship it’s the motion of the ocean. 

You need to find out with trial and error what positions really take advantage of it’s shape.  That’s right I just told you to have lots and lots of (safe) sex. Practice makes perfect and the more you do it the confident you will have with what is in your pants.

Always remember that there are plenty of way to please your partner. If you rely on just your penis your love life is probably going to be lackluster regardless of size.

Please feel free to leave comments, suggestions or questions below!

Follow us on Twitter @Naked_Geeks or Like us on Facebook

Or email us at if your comment is too sexy for the internet ;)

Don't be shy!


 -- Kinky Kraken & Samus Andress